Crossroads

It's been over 2 yrs. I came to Atlanta in November of 2007, just before the ugly claws of the recession began to grasp and shred everyone in its path. I had a dream...to be a massage therapist. I was already licensed but Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky was not providing job opportunities for that profession. Besides, I wanted adventure.

You know how it is when you're a kid and adventure is a good thing? Well, this has been an adventure of a lifetime, perhaps not as fun as I'd imagined. I have watched a client succumb to cancer, had my first real boyfriend, been ripped off by a roommate, dealt with multiple unprofessional massage employers, all while struggling to maintain some type of financial balance. I've moved 3 times in 2 years and learned how to stretch a dollar from here to Texas. I had good credit before I moved here, I always paid bills on time and always had a little left over. But income loss will destroy even the most money savvy individuals on the planet.

I discovered some incredible things about myself...that I really am as stubborn and feisty as my family always said I was...that I'm multi-talented, even when some of those talents are not the kind that are readily appreciated. Like listening to friends on the phone, helping them feel better when I'm not sure how I'm going to pay rent and have barely enough to eat. That I really do enjoy simple things like listening to rain, a perfect cup of hot tea and a warm bath. I am a great massage therapist but, on this journey, I have realized that the scoliosis (spinal curvature) I have is going to limit my days in this profession. I've already worked through it many times when I was in a lot of pain. I can't keep doing it or I will self-destruct.

As is sometimes the case with personal quests, I came to Atlanta for massage and I'm now pursuing something else. Showbiz...I had let go of those dreams because I felt they were unrealistic. It occurred to me only a moment ago, that the most fun I think I ever had was when I was an actress/singer/dancer at the Ohio Renaissance Faire. (funny side note: I notice that I'm like the only female I know who refers to myself as an "actress" rather than "actor"...I don't know what this means other than the fact that I consider myself a lady ;-P). Screenwriting is not something I ever considered until my ex brought me to a meeting. The spark was created and now I have a screenwriting partner. We are working on multiple scripts with actual goals. Will I get rich from it? Perhaps in time...or maybe never. But the fires of passion have been rekindled. How many of you have had a moment when you realize that, while you are good at many things, there is something you were actually born to do? There's a distinct difference. And that I don't even care if I'm not the best at it, because I enjoy it. That something might not be your day job or your income generating solution, but you have a passion for it like no other.

Unfortunately, I might have to leave Atlanta. Because passion or no, I can't continue to work as a massage therapist much longer...I can feel it. I have great arm muscles ;-) but the rest of my body is suffering. And I can't generate enough income from it to be able to take care of myself properly and pay my bills. I have been searching for other work in Atlanta for over a year...part time, full time. It's not a good market and I'm trying to essentially switch careers which doesn't help. I am so very very grateful to my family and friends who have been there for me, good advice or just listening because they knew it would do no good to try to talk sense into me.

Where will I go? I don't know, because technically I would need a job wherever I decide to go. I can't just "go home". I don't know where home is but Atlanta is the closest thing I have to home right now. My family is in Baltimore, Northern Ky, Los Angeles and more. I guess you could say I spent the most time in Northern KY/Cincinnati area. For those of you that don't know, I lived 13 yrs in L.A., Dad's job transferred to Cincinnati where I spent next 14 yrs and then I moved to Atlanta. But most of my family isn't even in Cincinnati anymore due to my Dad moving for work once again. I feel like a nomad. Maybe that's why I like it here...because I am surrounded by many people who are also from other places and it makes me feel less strange.

So perhaps it makes the most sense to find a way to stay in ATL. Only problem is that my energy is drained. I'm reaching deep within myself and coming up empty. My family went through so much before I even came here (including vision loss for 2 of my brothers--->Leber's hereditary optic neuropathy). Then, after everything I've dealt with here, I think my stamina is gone. I can't focus on anything, I'm in a slump. I'm usually pretty good at bouncing back from stressful situations but right now I feel like silly putty that dried out.